This morning I awoke after a wonderfully long sleep – it is Saturday after all – to a mental rush of thoughts that were so intermingled that even the finest sieve would struggle to separate them one from another.  What was consuming my thoughts, you ask?

A date on the calendar.  March 5th, to be exact.  Ten days from today, not that I’m counting.  And no, I don’t know how many hours and minutes away that date is….not yet anyway!

March 5, 2012 marked the start of a very unexpected journey with the MRI diagnosis of a pineal cyst in my brain.  And March 5, 2013 is the scheduled date for my next MRI, its results significantly impacting the course of our lives for the rest of this year.

My migraines and symptoms have been noticeably less frequent for nearly two months now, with the occasional, unforeseen flare up, such as what I’ve been experiencing yesterday and today, but usually resolves after a day or so.  Has the cyst grown?  Stayed the same?  Could it be shrinking?  Is God in the process of removing it?  Or, dare I ask, could it be gone?

My personality composed of a peculiar mix of organizational preparedness and “type A” tendencies that some would argue borders on being slightly neurotic, the aforementioned questions, and the ones that followed, began to cloud my mind like a thick fog after a heavy rain on a steamy, summer morning.  All I see is fog, and I can’t see what’s around the bend.  And I have to know what’s coming ahead!

As I mulled the questions over, rehearsed scenarios, and conjured potential solutions with their succeeding outcomes, the Lord began to heap overly generous portions of truth upon me.  For every unstable question I threw His way, He responded with a secure answer from His Word.

Me:  “Lord, what is this year going to be like….???”

God:  “This is what the Lord says, He who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it—the Lord is His name: ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” – Jeremiah 33:3  (NIV)

Me:  “What if I must have surgery?  How will we afford that?  What will recovery be like?  What if there’s no improvement post-procedure or………what if I feel worse?”

God:  “I (He) will perfect that which concerns you.” – Psalm 33:3 (KJV)

Me:  What about our ministry plans?  The dreams and goals you’ve given us for this year?  The commitments we have in the months ahead?”

God:  “Give your entire attention to what I am (God is) doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. I (God) will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” – Matthew 6:34 (MSG)

Me:  I’m sorry God, that I’m freaking out over all of this.  But… I am.”

God:  “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for I (the Lord your God) will be with you wherever you go.”

Me:  “What can I do to fix or help the situation?”

God:  “Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

And then, He proceeded to drop one final, priceless nugget of truth from the book of Psalms into my mind and spirit:

“I have set the LORD always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.  Therefore my heart is glad, and my tongue rejoices.  My body shall also dwell in safety.” – Psalm 16:8-9 (NIV)

These promises assure me of this:

  • While the circumstances of tomorrow, let alone the months ahead, are completely unknown to me, God is already there, holds every detail in His hand, and will reveal them according to His timing.
  • The Lord will perfect, or bring to completion, any and every thing that concerns me today and in the days to come.  I needn’t fret about solutions or outcomes, because God already has them determined according to His will.
  • I need to give my utmost attention to what God is doing in my life today, lest I allow the enemy to distract and disable me from bearing fruit for the Lord and pursuing that which I’m called to do.  I’m called to be obedient today, and today’s obedience doesn’t include worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  Today, I have a husband to love, experience life with, and serve alongside in ministry.  I have two daughters to love and encourage in their walk with the Lord.  I have a grand baby on the way whom I need to prepare to ridiculously spoil!  There are writings to finish, songs to rehearse, worship events to plan, Scripture to study, and prayers to pray!  And when tomorrow becomes today, should I still be blessed with these gifts and callings, I’ll focus on them for that day, and every day thereafter that I’m given to do so.
  • I’ve been commanded to be strong and courageous, and not discouraged, not because of what I can do myself, but because God knows what He is capable of doing through a willing vessel.  And if He is with me wherever I go, then regardless of the destination, I can rest assured that being in His presence is the safest place to be.
  • The most beneficial and productive thing I can do in any circumstance is to be still.  Still in spirit.  Trusting Him to do His work and keep His Word.  Letting Him be God.  I cannot see what He sees, and I don’t know what He knows.  And all the worrying and stressing and clever manipulating won’t sway anything in my favor but could interfere with what He’s trying to accomplish for my good.  I just need to be still.

The Lord’s extravagant responses to my needs never cease to amaze me!  While He could have answered in simplicity, He chose to reply with truth in specific proportion to my need.  Yes, my God is good!

March 5th seems like forever and a day from today.  In one moment, I can hardly stand for that day to arrive and in the next, I’m hesitant for it to come at all.  But in light of God’s revealed truths from this morning, God already knows the outcome from that MRI scan and what will come to pass after March 5th.  And between now and then, there are ten days awaiting me.  Ten days to bask in His presence, trust in His providence, and rest in His peace.

I know not what awaits me; it could be surgery, it could be divine intervention and earthly healing.  One thing is for certain – God is with me, fighting for me, and going before me to pave the way.  And whatever March 5th has in store for me, God and I will brave it together, and I can say with confidence that while I’m still praying for a medical miracle, the greatest miracle He’s performed on this journey has been in my heart and in my relationship with Him.  And that, my friend, far exceeds any physical restoration He could provide.

The New Life Version of Psalm 16:8-9 that we read earlier says, “I have placed the Lord always in front of me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be moved.  And so my heart is glad.  My soul is full of joy.  My body also will rest without fear.”  This is my heart’s prayer.  I pray that it is yours as well.

I don’t know where you find yourself today.  Perhaps you are living in the fallout of financial hardship, the grief of losing a loved one, the devastation of a medical diagnosis, the rejection of a relationship.  Maybe you’re on the brink of changing circumstances well beyond the realm of your control, a new direction in your career, or have recently moved to a new address that simply doesn’t feel like home.  Possibly your biggest challenge right now is simply mustering the courage to take the next breath and simply make it through the present day.  Whatever your current circumstances may be, take heart in knowing that God loves you, He sees you, He desires to know you in an intimate relationship, and as one song says, “not for a moment will You forsake me.”

Not For A Moment – by Meredith Andrews

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD0cvWImVjA

You were reaching through the storm

Walking on the water

Even when I could not see

In the middle of it all

When I thought You were a thousand miles away

Not for a moment did You forsake me

Not for a moment did You forsake me

[Chorus]

After all You are constant

After all You are only good

After all You are sovereign

Not for a moment will You forsake me

Not for a moment will You forsake me

[Verse 2]

You were singing in the dark

Whispering Your promise

Even when I could not hear

I was held in Your arms

Carried for a thousand miles to show

Not for a moment did You forsake me

[Chorus]

After all You are constant

After all You are only good

After all You are sovereign

Not for a moment will You forsake me

Not for a moment will You forsake me

And every step every breath you are there

Every tear every cry every prayer

In my hurt at my worst

When my world falls down

Not for a moment will You forsake me

Even in the dark

Even when it’s hard

You will never leave me

[Chorus]

After all You are constant

After all You are only good

After all You are sovereign

Not for a moment will You forsake me

Not for a moment will You forsake me

Not for a moment will You forsake me

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